See Monica Practice Law (Continued)

In my last entry I started a serial of my experience practicing law. The serial continues…

Title: See Monica Practice Law

Part I: Monica At The Big Firm

Installment 2: 1st Year Associate, 6 Months and Counting

4:00 p.m. on the Friday before Memorial Day weekend. A three-day weekend. Three days away from this job I’m now sure I hate. Bliss.

I get an email. Oh my God, it’s from a client. They want to file a temporary restraining order against a company that is using their name in advertisements first thing Tuesday morning. Noooooooo! As if that’s not evil enough, the client ends the email with “Have a great weekend!”

I try not to cry. I tell myself, “Stop being a big baby. You have a job. You’ll just have to suck it up and do it. Grow up.”

I get myself under control and walk down the hallway to the office of Laser Eyes, the senior partner who manages this client, to give him a heads-up. I share the news hoping for some commiseration. Actually, what I’m really hoping for is a way out. Laser Eyes responds with his usual tact and icy stare that burns right through you that he wants a draft on his desk first thing Monday morning.

I go back to my office and shut the door. I try not to cry again. I fantasize for the millionth time about going back to the partner’s office to tell him that I’m quitting and then sailing out the door to my wonderful, new life. Then I chastise myself, “You should be ashamed of yourself. Lots of people want your job. And lots of people don’t even have jobs. You make over $100,000. Stop being such an ungrateful wench.”

That makes me feel guilty on top of being miserable, so I take a different tack. I ask myself if there’s any upside here. There are at least two things. First, Laser Eyes gave me a TRO filing he’s done in the past that I can use as a base. Second, when I told him I’d planned to be out of town for the weekend, he tells me I can just email the documents to him Monday morning.

That makes me feel a tiny bit better but I’m still upset. There’s no way out of this. I pack up my stuff and get the heck out before some other jerk of a client contacts me.

Memorial Day weekend. I’m sitting at my parents’ computer working on the TRO filing. Everyone else is relaxing. I’m not feeling any upside right now. I’m wondering just how long I’m going to make it as a practicing attorney. And I’m wondering if anyone else is ever going to understand how painful this is and give me permission to leave.

I’ve been thinking about it for awhile but can’t see my way out. I’ve got $100K of law school debt and I don’t have any idea what else I want to do anyway. It’s not like opportunities are all around me. The only calls I get are from legal headhunters. Plus, how would I explain leaving to anyone? I can just hear them: “So, you went to law school but now you don’t want to be a lawyer?” Non-lawyers always think that sounds crazy. And I’ve tried to approach a few lawyers I trust at the firm to feel them out about how they feel about practicing law but no one wants to talk about it.

I feel trapped.