See Monica Practice Law (continued)

The serial returns...

Just to refresh your memory--I've been writing a serial about my challenging, often humorous, and sometimes pathetic experiences practicing law. I'm on the other side of that now (thank goodness) but I've written the serial in the hopes that it comforts you, shows you you're not the only one, and maybe even inspires you to find work that brings you joy, rather than just collecting a paycheck.

So, without further adieu, here's the final installment of the serial:

Title: See Monica Practice Law

Part II: Monica At The Small Firm

Installment 5: Round 2, 1st through 4th years

I've come to the disappointing realization that being a freelance negotiation trainer isn't for me. So now what? I swore I'd never go back to the law but it's hard being out here trying to create a career on my own. I'm clearly not cut out for anything traditional; so I've been exploring other options, like, creativity training and coaching. But it's a challenge thinking about how to make a go at this kind of work because there's no clear path like there was with the law.

Plus, I miss my steady paycheck. I miss having colleagues down the hall. Oddly enough, I miss the structure, knowing that I worked Monday through Friday and took the weekends off.

Maybe, just maybe, it's not that I don't like practicing law but that I wasn't at the right firm or in the right practice group. So maybe...I should try practicing again??

I conduct an informational interview with a friend who left a large firm for a small firm. She loves the firm and her practice area, employee benefits. Most importantly, she feels like she has time for a life. I do a few more informational interviews with people in employee benefits and decide this might be a good fit.

Before I interview, I make a list. If I'm going back, I'm going to make a list of everything I want; so I'm clear about what's important to me. Some of the items include: working with humans, rather than legal robots; the same salary that I earned at a large firm; and lower billable hours.

The interview goes well, and I receive an offer. And it looks like I'm going to get everything on my list. I accept.

I'm back in the law.

And I stay there for 4 years. 4 whole years! It's not a lot in the scheme of life but it's a lot for someone who didn't want to practice law.

Year 1. The first year is actually pretty interesting. I'm learning something new, getting to know my colleagues and I like them (!), and enjoying my steady paycheck.

Year 2. I'm starting to get a little antsy but I tell myself that this is a good job. OK, so it's not as interesting as I'd hoped it would be. I've made friends, I don't have to work extraordinarily hard, and don't forget that paycheck. Plus, work is work. If I want to do things that interest me, I can do them outside of work.

Year 3. I don't want to be here anymore. The reasons I've listed above don't sustain me anymore. I'm craving work that engages me; I don't care what anyone says. I'm actively looking for other opportunities but it's hard. Everything I want to do is non-traditional, so there goes the steady paycheck again. Plus, maybe my expectations about work are just unrealistic. Everybody else seems to be relatively happy here; what's wrong with me??

I do know what I want to do now. I really do want to be a coach. And I want to work with other lawyers just like me--the ones who went to law school by default and are now miserably practicing law. I want to help them find the work they are meant to be doing, instead of law. I thought that figuring out what I wanted to do would solve my problems. But it hasn't. Because it's frightening envisioning being an entrepreneur. That feels like stepping off of a cliff. I hesitate.

August of Year 4. I really don't want to be here. I keep praying for a miracle. But it looks like the only miracles God is going to give me are the ones I'm going to create.

So, it's "put-up-or-shut-up" time. I've spent the past 4 years complaining about how I don't like practicing law. I was given a gift in that I discovered what I want to do next. Now it's my turn to take action. What's it going to be?

I'm leaving. I could spend another 2, 3, 4 years planning this out and never go. More importantly, I just can't stay here any longer. I'm getting a migraine every other day. It's getting harder and harder to drag myself out of bed. I'm afraid if I stick around much longer, I'm going to become depressed, and then it will be impossible to move.

I've planned as much as I can. I have some money saved; I have two back-up money plans in place; I've created a business plan and a marketing plan. I made an announcement, got lots of positive feedback and my first couple of clients. It's time.

November of Year 4: I give notice. Everyone's surprised...but not really. It's been a long time coming. I'm touched because people wish me well and tell me that they think I will do quite well, that they saw me doing bigger and better things than just working at a law firm.

Mid-December of Year 4: I've got two weeks' vacation, so I'm actually wrapping it up now. I pack my boxes, take one last look around, and vow this time, I will never return.

THE END. at least, of my legal career.