See Monica Practice Law (Continued)

The serial continues…

Title: See Monica Practice Law

Part I: Monica At The Big Firm

Installment 3: 1st Year Associate, 9 Months and Counting

I’ve been busy. No, not working. That seems to come and go in spurts. I don’t know if my group is slow or what but I don’t have all that much to do. I worry about it some but, after all, I’m a first year. Surely, they can’t expect me to bring in clients. I just make sure occasionally to pop my head in someone’s office and tell them I need work.

I’m disengaged. I don’t connect with anyone in my group really or anyone in this firm, for that matter. I still don’t know what I’m doing. I just muddle along the best I can. I had my first review. I’m not sure I get the structure. It’s one partner who isn’t in your practice group and one who is. I’m not clear on how the one who doesn’t know you could know anything about you based on a few pieces of paper. Anyway, that one said, “The main thing is, if you need help, ask questions. Don’t try to figure things out on your own.” And the partner from my practice group said, “We want you to appear confident. So when I give you an assignment, look as if you know what to do.” (?!)

Whatever. I don’t want to be here anyway. I do my best because my conscience won’t let me do any less but I cringe every time someone comes to my door. I wonder if it shows…

Anyway, what I’ve been busy with is trying to figure out how to get the heck out of here—out of this practice group, I mean. Ideally, I’d get the heck out of the law totally. But I’m not sure I’ve given practicing law a fair shot. I was prejudiced against it from the very beginning. But the only way I can think of to begin again would be to change practice groups or something, to get a fresh start. So, I’ve been exploring that option.

First, I want to switch from litigation to corporate. I don’t know how I ended up in a litigation practice to begin with. In law school I did a ton of conflict resolution work—bringing people back together, not tearing them apart. Plus, I’m a conflict avoider. How did I end up in IP Litigation?

You remember. You were interested in IP so as a summer associate, you rotated through IP Lit and Transactional and requested Transactional, and they put you in IP Lit. Of course.

Second, I want something that’s going to engage me. So, I’m exploring Labor & Employment because the work seems more people-oriented. Plus, it seems like a chummy group. I’m also looking at International, because I have a friend who works in that group and she likes it because she gets to work with people from all over the world. And she’s always learning about new industries, so there’s variety. She said the attorneys in the group are a mixed bag but she just tries to work as much as she can with certain folks she really likes.

[Later.] Turns out it’s really hard to get into Labor & Employment. But I’ve got a lunch scheduled with my friend in International and a senior associate in that group. Switching isn’t going to be as easy as I thought. I thought it would be easy because the firm line is that if you want to switch, you can. But there’s no explicit process. It’s a lot of conversations and, meanwhile, I don’t want anyone in IP Lit to know that I’m considering switching because that may insult the group. I feel like I’m sneaking around a bit.

In the meantime, I got an exciting phone call. Harvard Law called and asked if I’d be interested in coming back for Winter Term to be a Lecturer on Law for the Negotiation Workshop! I was a teaching assistant for the Workshop back in law school my 2L and 3L years and really enjoyed it. I feel really honored and like my friends who are instructors in the course haven’t forgotten about me.

And I’m thinking the firm might agree to this. Winter Term is only a month (January), and having an attorney be appointed a Harvard Law Lecturer on Law would reflect well on the firm.

[Later.] I’m right. I discussed it with the Managing Partner and my practice group leader and they agree. Not only will they let me go, they’ll also scale back my billable hours requirement to reflect the fact that I’ll be gone for a month next year. Cool.

The only thing is, now I really want out—of this firm, the law. My lunch with the International senior associate was so-so. He seemed willing to speak up for me but he cautioned me that it would be a long process. The group just took on a new associate and probably wouldn’t be interested in a lateral for some time. I’m running out of time—or, I should say, patience.

I decide to put in some calls to my friends who teach the Negotiation Workshop and some of the affiliated conflict resolution organizations in Cambridge, MA to see if there’s any potential they could offer me some work. Now that I’m going to be a Lecturer, that might be an incentive for them to include me in some projects. And if they can include me in enough of those projects, maybe I could make enough to live on.

This isn’t the first time I’ve considered doing this. I thought about it a lot my 3L year. I talked to my friends who are Instructors and some of the conflict resolution organizations about possibilities back then. But because I was so new they couldn’t guarantee me anything.

Plus, I thought it was only fair to give practicing law a try. For all I knew, I might love it. Boy, did that not happen.

Now I’ve got some legal experience under my belt. And I’ll have the lectureship. Maybe I’ll be more attractive to those folks.

[Later.] I’ve made a few calls to my friends and some of the conflict resolution companies. They can’t make any promises (of course) but they’re pretty confident that if I leave the firm, they’ll find work for me.

Should I do this??

See Monica Practice Law (Continued)

In my last entry I started a serial of my experience practicing law. The serial continues…

Title: See Monica Practice Law

Part I: Monica At The Big Firm

Installment 2: 1st Year Associate, 6 Months and Counting

4:00 p.m. on the Friday before Memorial Day weekend. A three-day weekend. Three days away from this job I’m now sure I hate. Bliss.

I get an email. Oh my God, it’s from a client. They want to file a temporary restraining order against a company that is using their name in advertisements first thing Tuesday morning. Noooooooo! As if that’s not evil enough, the client ends the email with “Have a great weekend!”

I try not to cry. I tell myself, “Stop being a big baby. You have a job. You’ll just have to suck it up and do it. Grow up.”

I get myself under control and walk down the hallway to the office of Laser Eyes, the senior partner who manages this client, to give him a heads-up. I share the news hoping for some commiseration. Actually, what I’m really hoping for is a way out. Laser Eyes responds with his usual tact and icy stare that burns right through you that he wants a draft on his desk first thing Monday morning.

I go back to my office and shut the door. I try not to cry again. I fantasize for the millionth time about going back to the partner’s office to tell him that I’m quitting and then sailing out the door to my wonderful, new life. Then I chastise myself, “You should be ashamed of yourself. Lots of people want your job. And lots of people don’t even have jobs. You make over $100,000. Stop being such an ungrateful wench.”

That makes me feel guilty on top of being miserable, so I take a different tack. I ask myself if there’s any upside here. There are at least two things. First, Laser Eyes gave me a TRO filing he’s done in the past that I can use as a base. Second, when I told him I’d planned to be out of town for the weekend, he tells me I can just email the documents to him Monday morning.

That makes me feel a tiny bit better but I’m still upset. There’s no way out of this. I pack up my stuff and get the heck out before some other jerk of a client contacts me.

Memorial Day weekend. I’m sitting at my parents’ computer working on the TRO filing. Everyone else is relaxing. I’m not feeling any upside right now. I’m wondering just how long I’m going to make it as a practicing attorney. And I’m wondering if anyone else is ever going to understand how painful this is and give me permission to leave.

I’ve been thinking about it for awhile but can’t see my way out. I’ve got $100K of law school debt and I don’t have any idea what else I want to do anyway. It’s not like opportunities are all around me. The only calls I get are from legal headhunters. Plus, how would I explain leaving to anyone? I can just hear them: “So, you went to law school but now you don’t want to be a lawyer?” Non-lawyers always think that sounds crazy. And I’ve tried to approach a few lawyers I trust at the firm to feel them out about how they feel about practicing law but no one wants to talk about it.

I feel trapped.